What a difference a week can make!  Last week I was laying around, sad, anxious and scared.  Today I tutored at the elementary, returned a couple of items I had borrowed, went to the store, planted pansies in the front flower bed and made dinner.  Wow!  The difference?  The atonement of Jesus Christ!

Two of the three sacrament meeting speakers yesterday talked about adversity.  The first was a youth speaker, and he did a good job, but the second spoke straight to me.  It was wonderful!  Then we sang 'Count Your Many Blessings' as the closing song.  I sung the chorus a couple of times, but could not get through any of the verses.  The tears were streaming down my face.  The Spirit stayed with me the rest of the day.  It was the best Sabbath I have had for quite a while.

I can't express my appreciation to the Lord for His help and guidance through the past two weeks.  They have been the hardest two weeks of my life.  I pray that I never have to feel like that again.  If any of you find yourself so depressed that Satan seems to be taking over your thoughts, I promise you that the Lord can and will see you through it.  Just as he did for me.

I have said more prayers in the last week than I have in a very long time.  My depression and anxiety is a bit out of control right now.  I have really been struggling.  I am trying hard to enjoy each day and push forward, but it is hard.  My mom has been a big help to me.  Yesterday morning I called her in tears (again) and she offered a prayer in my behalf while we were on the phone.  The Spirit was very strong.  I know I will get through this, but it is so very difficult to feel so helpless.  I am continuing in prayer and as I do so the Spirit continues to warm my heart and soul.  I only wish it could be a constant.

I am working on getting my medications adjusted, I had my first appointment with a therapist today and I am relying a lot on my family to help me through this difficult time.  My husband is my rock and I am so very grateful for him in my life.  Our children bring so much joy to our lives and I am grateful for each one of them.  I am grateful for my wonderful mother, although she is a couple of states away, she is always there for me when I need her. I am trying to focus on the important things...prayer, studying the scriptures and Conference talks...and not doing unnecessary things that take away from the Spirit that I am trying to keep with me.

Former Young Women general president Margaret D. Nadauld taught: “The world has enough women who are tough; we need women who are tender. There are enough women who are coarse; we need women who are kind. There are enough women who are rude; we need women who are refined. We have enough women of fame and fortune; we need more women of faith. We have enough greed; we need more goodness. We have enough vanity; we need more virtue. We have enough popularity; we need more purity.”  <sup>https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2013/10/the-moral-force-of-women?lang=eng


Last night  I read Elder D. Todd Christofferson's talk from General Conference, Oct 2013, entitled "The Moral Force of Women".  What a wonderful talk.  There were several points that I could have quoted, but I have heard this one from Sis.. Nadault before and I really like it.  Here's a comparison for you:

tough               tender
coarse              kind
rude                 refined
fame                faith
greed               goodness
vanity              virtue
popularity       purity

I don't know about you, but I would much rather people see me as tender, kind, refined, faithful, good, virtuous and pure.  I believe we can be all of these things and still stand strong against the evils of our day.  By so doing we will teach not only our own children, but many people the value of a virtuous woman.</sup>

I am sitting here watching the clock grow ever closer to midnight, waiting for DH to get to sleep, thinking about all the things I have to accomplish tomorrow, balancing the checkbook, looking at facebook for the 4th or 5th time today.  As I was looking I saw a link entitled: When Satan steals your motherhood

So many moms need to read this article, including myself.  I let so many worries, old fashioned laziness and very unimportant time wasting things (like facebook and pinterest) get in the way of being the kind of mother that I know I can be.  The kind of the mother my kids deserve and the kind of mother the Lord can help me become.  Why?  Why do I let these things get in the way?  I'm not sure yet, I'm still thinking about that.  It's not a new thing, I've been doing it for years.  I want to stop.  I just get sucked back into my old habits so easily, before I can even blink.  The only way to get past this is through our Savior, Jesus Christ.  I've prayed for help before, but only half heartedly.

Here's a thought that I just had:  maybe I need to put my laptop out of sight.  Out of sight, out of mind.  Isn't that how the old saying goes?  I could do that.  That would make it more difficult to just sit down and turn it on.  Currently my laptop sits at the end of the chase on our sectional couch.  (Yes, I am very lazy.)  I like this idea.  I'll let you know how it goes.